How To Get Unstuck in Life?
How to get unstuck in life is one of the most frequent questions that I get from my coaching clients and readers. The other one is how to stop suffering and see the light at the end of the tunnel. In this post I'm going to share my own story: how hitting the rock bottom helped me to turn my life around, also three powerful steps on how to get unstuck.
Nine years ago, my life seemed to be falling apart. I was heartbroken and I was over exhausted with my studying schedule on Medical College to that point where it wracked my health. The result following was that I got severely depressed, and felt like I'm totally stuck in the life I did not want for myself. I had no money to afford the things I wanted, not zest to fight for my dreams, no spark, no strength. I also dropped out of college, and by that act, I also thought that time that I said "Goodbye" to my dreams.
It was when I've had my worst days that I decided I MUST change something, and feel happy again. It had to end. Once I made that decision I enrolled in psychotherapy, started practicing yoga, changed my diet and improved my health immensely, enrolled into a new college, which I was super passionate about, and started attending all available personal growth workshops, seminars, and events, and digging into self-help books.
I also made it my mission to help other people who are struggling like I was. I started out my first blog, I was writing articles with helpful advice, and before I even became a bachelor of Journalism, I started earning money by writing, which is my passion. I moved from Europe to India in 2014. After two and half years of earning my income as a freelance writer, I decided to follow my passion and go after my dream job (a.k.a. life coach). It was not easy (you can read all of my struggles and hard work I had to put in my latest article I wrote for The Ladies Coach: "How To Turn Your Passion Into A Paycheck").
It was my dream to become a shrink before I dropped out the Medical College, and I thought it will never come true for me. I wanted to help people with my consultation and advice to overcome their fears, challenges, and subconscious thought patterns that are holding them back and keeping them stuck in life (I like blowing people's minds :)). Here I am today, doing the exact similar thing as a life coach, only instead of patients I have coaching clients, and instead of working with people who are ill, and tired of life I'm working with women who want to create beautiful, happy, fulfilled, and exciting life for themselves! I am actually living my dreams, beyond my wildest dreams (which did not include me working on my laptop, under the shades of palm trees, while sipping coconut water, writing for COSMOPOLITAN magazine, and stuff like that :)).
If I look back, I would not be living the life I'm living today, if I did not hit the rock bottom nine years ago, and that's why I know for sure today that everything is happening for a reason, and the reason is that we can learn the life lessons we are supposed to learn, and achieve massive growth in life.
How to get unstuck in life and stop suffering and struggling:
As Tony Robbins would wisely say:
"We don't get our SHOULDS in life. We get our MUSTS!"
No one has ever changed any negative behavioural or thinking pattern, or life circumstances, by saying, thinking, and believing "I should change/do/start/begin/stop...". Never! It happens every year, when we make New Year's resolutions, that we say or think that we should quit smoking, should start exercising more, should change our job, should start this new website, or blog, or project, should work with a life coach, should work on _______, but we all know how that ends. Yes, that same New Year's resolution gets recycled each and every year.
It is only when we say to ourselves that we MUST change ______, stop _____, start ________, practice ______, learn ______,.... that we actually commit and do it!
You may remember some person you know who was saying that (s)he should lose weight, but wasn't doing it for years, until they've suddenly heard from their doctor that they might get a heart attack. Then they "suddenly" lost weight very successfully! This is the major reason why people make some radical changes in their life (unfortunately) when they hit the rock bottom. The pain and suffering is so strong and unbearable that they DECIDE they MUST change something, because they cannot bear with it any more.
Whatever area you are feeling stuck right now, or whatever is that you're frustrated with in your life right now, have in mind that "should" will get you nowhere. You need to convert your SHOULD into a MUST.
You need to make that thing non-negotiable, whether it be eating healthy, losing weight, overcoming the depression, changing the job, moving into another place, starting your blog or business, practicing some form of physical activity, improving your health, getting the education on credentials you want, hitting that 10$ income or 100$ K income in your business, improving your financial situation, or else.
Whatever it is, you MUST decide that it is MUST for you accomplish. Why? Because when we MUST do something, we actually find the way and solution to do it. We laser focus on that thing! We make that thing or goal NON-NEGOTIABLE. We give it the time. We invest the money. We "get" the money. We "find" the way. We are ready to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING it takes to get it.
When someone we love is sick, we must arrange money, so we do (I've had seen in my country families arranging even quarter of a million euros in a few months in such cases). We must show up on our job, no matter if we don't feel like, if it is raining outside, or we're feeling lazy, we hate out job, or our boss is a jerk. We must, because we won't get paid otherwise. And we do.
Until we make our goal non negotiable, and our MUST to accomplish, it won't really happen, as we won't fully commit. We have to go all in! So, whatever is causing you pain and suffering, whatever frustrates you, whatever is that you want to accomplish, change or improve in your life, make it your MUST and commit to it fully!
There is a wise zen story I love:
A hermit was meditating by a river when a young man interrupted him. "Master, I wish to become your disciple," said the man. "Why?" replied the hermit. The young man thought for a moment. "Because I want to find God."
The master jumped up, grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, dragged him into the river, and plunged his head under water. After holding him there for a minute, with him kicking and struggling to free himself, the master finally pulled him up out of the river. The young man coughed up water and gasped to get his breath. When he eventually quieted down, the master spoke.
"Tell me, what did you want most of all when you were under water."
"Air!" answered the man.
"Very well," said the master. "Go home and come back to me when you want God as much as you just wanted air."
Well, I'm kind of like a hermit in this story when it comes to signing up new coaching clients 🙂 , as I want to work only only with clients who want to change their life, or accomplish any of their goals as much as the drawing person wants air. That's why I'm lucky to get to work with clients who are a pleasure to work with, because they are committed fully and they are willing to follow my advice. I had women working an extra job for a six months, women taking a loan, woman putting my coaching program on their credit card, or giving up of traveling and vacation for the entire year, to afford the fee for life coaching and working with me. These women really wanted to change their life for the better, they decided that they want to work with me, they made it a MUST, and they found the way, even while "not having the money". That's the power of MUST!
YOU MUST WANT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE AND END THE SUFFERING AS MUCH YOU WOULD WANT AIR WHILE DROWNING!
The second part of the process of getting unstuck is to get help.
The moment I decided that I MUST change my life and end the pain and suffering, I started taking help. I worked with a therapist for six months to overcome depression, and practiced yoga daily for two hours! I took a loan, and also worked many kind of "small jobs" to pay for the advanced yoga reatreats, to learn the wisdom of Indian gurus, and dive deeper into spirituality. I was spending last coin on personal growth and spiritual books. I love fashion and to dress up, but I was rather wearing one pair of jeans and shoes five days in a week, than sacrificing on the personal growth events, books, or my favourite SENSA magazine with tips written by life coaches. I was also spending most of my free time reading those books and attending personal growth workshops. I was obsessed with learning everything that could help me grow, change, and be happier.
So, let's brake it down in three steps to get unstuck:
1) Think of what is causing you suffering right now, what is your BIG goal you want to achieve, or what BIG frustration you don't want to tolerate anymore in your life?
2)Decide that you MUST change what you don't want and you MUST accomplish what you DO want! Decide that you want it as much the drowning person wants air!
3)Get the help that you need to make the massive changes. If you could have done it on your own it would have already happened by now! Get real and honest with yourself. Where do you feel stuck the most and who could help you? Therapist, mentor, expert, life coach?