How to stop worrying and have a positive life is the topic for this week blog post, inspired by my recent trip to Himalayas (I shared on Instagram how much piece I felt there and how calming and positive energy was felt everywhere, especially at Mindrolling Monastery in Dehradun). I wanted to share a piece of wisdom, piece, and positive vibes I felt while being there and reading the inspiring messages on boards of the monastery garden.
How To Stop Worrying Tip #1: Give Your Thoughts And Energy To Solutions, Not The Problems
There is a quote (from Mark Twain) which says: “Worry is like paying an interest in a bank on a debt you may never own“. Indeed, worry is an interest (sadness, despair, sorrow, tears cried, sleepless nights, anxiety…) we are paying in advance for a problem that may happen in the future, but not neccessarily will (we cannot know in most of the cases if things will turn out to be bad or at least that bad as we think they might!). Worrying will not help us to resolve whatever problem or frustration we have, but it can make it only worse. And if outcome happens to be positive, we wasted our precious time worrying, crying, and fearing the outcome. The worst thing is that what we worry about the most and what we fear the most usually happens, call it Negative Psychology or Law Of Attraction. Why? Because we give our time, mental focus, thoughts, and energy to the problem, and not to the solution!
“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” ― Dalai Lama
How To Stop Worrying Tip #2: Start Every Day With Gratitude And Powerful Intention For The Day
The message on this board in front of the Mindrolling Monastery inspired me the most:
“Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” ― Dalai Lama
If I reflect back, the article that had the biggest impact and deepest message so far, since I started writing in English was the one about the power of gratitude published on Tiny Buddha. There were people all over the globe writing to me, leaving comments and messages that it literally changed their life and made them appreciate every single thing they are blessed with in their life. When I was sharing this story with the audience in Rotterdam, where I was giving motivational speech in April this year, everyone was crying in the room, including men. Starting our day with gratitude (whether you write down or think about the things you are grateful for) is a very powerful practice to start your day with a good, positive, empowering vibes and mindset. Gratitude can help us to shift our focus from what we don’t have and what is frustrating us, towards what we do have and what we love about our life.
“Choose to be optimistic, it feels better.” ― Dalai Lama
I love to do my gratitude practice before I sleep. I take few minutes each night to reflect on the day that has passed and all the beautiful things I’ve experienced. I always say my thanks to the things that did not turn out well during the day, as I know it has happened to teach me a wise lesson and give me the clarity what kind of people, things, and situation I do not want in my life.
Setting the powerful intentions for the day is another great way to start the day with empowering, positive mindset. Starting day with a commitment to self that we will use the best out of today, that we will be more kind to others and compassionate and forgiving to self, that we will expand, evolve, and learn something new, so that we can become better person that we were yesterday, and that we will serve to people in our life with our gifts and talents as much we can, will help us to carry the awareness from the moment we get up from the bed how we want our day to unveil and where we should focus our mind and energy towards!
“Given the scale of life in the cosmos, one human life is no more than a tiny blip. Each one of us is a just visitor to this planet, a guest, who will only stay for a limited time. What greater folly could there be than to spend this short time alone, unhappy or in conflict with our companions? Far better, surely, to use our short time here in living a meaningful life, enriched by our sense of connection with others and being of service to them.” – Dalai Lama XIV
How To Stop Worrying Tip #3: Know That Obstacles Are Detours In The Right Direction
“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ― Dalai Lama
If you are worried about what you want to achieve, manifest, get, or obtain… you do not need to worry of negative outcome. Yes, you should want it a lot, you should desire it, you have to believe it is possible for you, you need to feed your mind with positive, empowering thoughts about the outcome being positive for you, and do the inspired action that will help you achieve it or have it… but, at the same time, you need to learn to detach from the outcome.
As Dalai Lama would wisely say: “Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck“. Our desires usually resonate with our being and who we are deep inside: there is a reason why each of us wants different things and relationships with different people, different jobs and career, different cars, homes, and dresses… It is because certain things appeal to US and only US, on a very deep level, and they bring US joy. But we often forget how limitless the Universe is and how limitless ways and opportunities for us to meet that desire are, and we “fixate” to particular way of how things should happen, without seeing the bigger picture.
“Instead of wondering WHY this is happening to you, consider why this is happening to YOU.” – Dalai Lama XIV
So, although whatever is that we want and dream about is the thing that would bring us joy, sometimes with our limiting way of thinking we cannot know what is the best way for us to get it. And not getting it the way we thought we should makes us depressed, hurt, angry, and upset, even hopeless, because we cannot see in that moment that there can be another, far more beautiful and greater way of living our dream in store for us, than we could ever imagine.
You could read my story and how what I thought was saying “Goodbye!” to my big dream was only the beginning of me living my dreams beyond my wildest dreams. As Gabrielle Bernstein wisely said: “Obstacles are detours in the right direction”. Whatever is happening right now that is having you worried, detach from the outcome with the faith that whatever happens in the end it will be for the highest good and looking back one day you will be grateful that things turned out that way.
“It is very rare or almost impossible that an event can be negative from all points of view.” – Dalai Lama
How To Stop Worrying Tip #4: Leave Your Past To The Tense Where It Belongs
“Time passes unhindered. When we make mistakes, we cannot turn the clock back and try again. All we can do is use the present well.” – Dalai Lama
Beating ourselves up for the mistakes committed in the past will not bring us any good today. Yes, we should reflect on the past in order to learn the important lessons, but at the same time we need to be willing to leave it behind. Same way like we cannot make secure the positive outcome by worryng about the future, we cannot live our best life today, if we keep ourselves stuck in the past. Whatever happened, we need to learn to let go, accept it, embrace the opportunity to start all over again and discover new purpose, or a new exciting goal that will move us forward.
“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.” ― Dalai Lama
How To Stop Worrying Tip #4: Remember That Everything Takes Time To Manifest And Grow
One of the reasons most of the people are anxious today is impatience, or in other words, wanting “express” results. We live in an “instant” world and that can create illusion of unrealistically expecting the “instant results”. I do believe that this Universe is powerful and limitless and we CAN achieve or have or manifest whatever we want, but it takes it’s own time. We live in a physical world and just like a plant or a tree takes certain time to grow from a seed, a baby takes apr. nine months to fully grow for being born in this realm, planets take certain amount of time to circle around the Sun… our goal which we want to accomplish, our dream and desire which we want to manifest will take it’s time.
Now, there are plants which grow in a few days, and there are trees which take decades to grow! Some of our dreams will be like plants, some of our dreams will be like trees. It would be unreasonable to sit and cry and get desperate over why a tree which takes decades to grow is not growing “yet”, because we want that tree to grow “instantly” and achieve “express results”.
I love the metaphor on success and our dream coming true being like a Chinese bamboo tree: like any plant, it requires care, water, fertile soil, and sunshine to grow. In the first four years, there are no visible signs of growth, but then in the fifth year Chinese Bamboo Tree grows 80 feet (about 25 meters) in just six weeks!
In the beginning, it is usually the hardest as we need to invest a lot of energy, time, money… into something that is not (yet) showing visible results. Depending on the goal, sometimes it may take years of consistent investment of our time, energy, and money into our dream, without seeing the visible results. During those times, we have to have a strong belief that our patience and work and effort will be rewarded and wait until the right moment for sudden growth and success comes (I like to call it the tipping point). Then, “out of a sudden” our dream becomes true and we see the progress beyond our wildest dreams. Unfortunately, many people lose the strength of their beliefs, and because they did not see the results in the first year itself, they trow in the towel, give up of their goal, and stop watering the bamboo plant before it even had a chance to start growing!
So, take a lesson on this and if there is an area of your life where it feels that “nothing is happening” even while you are trying hard and working hard for a long time, do not worry, and instead have faith and belief that it will happen when the right time comes. And when it does happen, it will happen greatly, beyond your wildest dreams! You only need to keep up the positive mindset and hope, and keep on “watering” your goal or your dream with love, devotion, and patience.
“Neither a space station nor an enlightened mind can be realized in a day.” – Dalai Lama
How To Stop Worrying Tip #5: Let Go of “What People Will Think If I…” And Follow The Path That Will Make You Happy
“There is only one important point you must keep in your mind and let it be your guide. No matter what people call you, you are just who you are. Keep to this truth. You must ask yourself how is it you want to live your life. We live and we die, this is the truth that we can only face alone. No one can help us, not even the Buddha. So consider carefully, what prevents you from living the way you want to live your life?” ― Dalai Lama
Many people used to call me a fool for “wasting my time” on blogging and writing, as I was not earning money from it for the first two years and they did not even “get” what it was all about. :)) Later on, when my blog went viral, I became famous blogger in the niche in the region, and started making money, those same people started calling me “lucky”. I also witnessed a lot of resistance from my parents for making some of my life choices nine years ago, because they loved me very much and they were afraid that I’m making “big mistakes” which I will later regret. Once they saw how happy I am, years later, they have become the happiest parents in the world. A few days before my father died he told me in his words that he is happy and proud for me as much as one father can be.
Your beloved ones just want to see you happy, at the bottom of line, no matter in how silly and unreasonable and hurting way they can sometimes show it. Understand it as they way of caring for you, and also understand that if you do not follow your passion, your dream, your own path that will make you happy, you will fulfil their worst fear: you will not end up being happy in the long run! In trying to satisfy them in short term, you will make them suffer in the long run, if they will have to see you stuck in life, unhappy, miserable, regretting the life you could have lived if you followed your heart! No matter how much they might be resisting and trying to “reason” you and make you “listen” to them today, one day, when they see you happy, they will be truly happy for you! Also, do not judge other people for following their own path, as you think you know what’s best for them and what would make them happy.
“I will not propose to you that my way is best. The decision is up to you. If you find some point which may be suitable to you, then you can carry out experiments for yourself. If you find that it is of no use, then you can discard it.” – Dalai Lama
I hope I could transfer a tiny piece of wisdom and piece from the Himalayas mountains and this beautiful monastery. After returning from Himalayas I caught flu and ended up in bed for more than a week, doing nothing much more than drinking teas and wiping my nose. :)) I will be spending the rest of this month trying to catch up with the work behind, and nurture my body with replenishing foods to recover the strength and energy (excuse for drinking as many coconuts as I can :)). I had plenty of time though to self reflect on 2017. so far, and come up with the ideas about new content for my blog in December. I want to be a Life Coach Santa this December and bring you a lot of inspiring content with tips to make 2018. a magical year and manifest your dreams! So stay, tuned!
With love, Danijela