self empowerment: HOW TO PICK YOURSELF UP AFTER A FAILURE OR REJECTION
Going over rejection or a failure is not a pleasant thing at all and it can crush our motivation, and self-esteem, but it can also be a powerful force which will push us to do better next time and to grow and evolve if we know how to use the best of it! Here are my best tips on how to deal (and how I deal) with rejection:
1.TURN THE REJECTION INTO A DRIVING FORCE
Let's face it, rejection hurts. It makes us feel like losers, not good enough, not _______ enough, like all our efforts, hopes and wishes went wain... But as much as we cannot control the outcome of the situation: whether we will get rejected or not, we can control our reaction when we get rejected and what we will learn from it.
The pain we experience after a rejection can be a very powerful force towards success if we know how to get the best out of it. If instead of feeling self pity and falling into a desperation we can decide that we will do whatever it takes in order not to experience that kind of pain again, it can be a strong motivating force to keep us going and succeed next time. The anger we feel can be catalysed into an energy to focus on our goal next time even harder and push our limits more or do try a new, smarter approach, do things differently, learn everything we can to be better and perform better in order to reduce the chance of being rejected again. And that can push us to be better, to learn and grow.
2. GET UP AND KEEP ON FIGHTING
IF YOU GOT REJECTED, THAT DOES'NT MEAN THAT YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU WERE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR THAT PARTICULAR PERSON, JOB OR CLIENT. TO SOMEBODY ELSE OR SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOU ARE THE PERFECT PERSON!
I remember the time when I just started writing articles in English. I wrote an inspiring and beautiful article for Tiny Buddha, but it was rejected. Well, did it feel good? Of course not. I invested my time, energy, creative inspiration... and it got rejected. But, I did not quit on the article as I believed it is a very good article and I pitched it to The Huffington Post. And they loved it and published it! So, the article was surely good, as it satisfied even harder criteria (if you ever tried to pitch the article for The Huffington Post, you know what I'm talking about!). Did that mean I will quit on Tiny Buddha. Hell no. I pitched another article and it was accepted and published. And another one after that...
Same goes with the other things in our life. If we were not good enough for a particular person, job, opportunity or client... that totally doesn't mean that we are not good enough to be a romantic partner, employee, coach, writer... Believe in yourself and try again. J.K. Rolling and Liz Gilbert were receiving MANY rejection letters for years before they got published. But, they believed in their writing and they did not give up until there was a publisher who was smart enough (or let's say lucky enough) to recognise it! Never label yourself as not being _____ enough just because you got rejected that time for that opportunity or from that particular person.
3.KNOW THAT EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR GOOD
Even if at the moment it doesn't look that way, one day everything will make sense once you connect the dots. Everything what happens to us, it is there to teach us something, prepare us for something, make us stronger, redirect our life course in the right, better direction. If we have faith and learn to accept and read these signs and life lessons, we can experience things beyond our wildest dreams. It will hurt right now, and it can be very painful, but one day, it can be something you might be grateful for.
I wrote in this blog post how dropping up from Medical College was the hard thing for me and how much hurt and sad I was that time, but today if I look back, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me as it has opened the door for me to study something else I was very passionate about, become a writer and eventually a life coach one year ago, which was my dream job.
So, even if it doesn't make sense, one day it will. Just have the faith that everything happens for our highest good and when one door closes, another one opens with much better opportunities. Of course at that moment it may seem that that guy, that relationship, that job, that client, that _____, was perfect for us and that we don't want or will never want anything else or anybody else, but one day... you will be able to connect the dots.
4. KEEP ON CHANGING YOUR APPROACH
If you got rejected once or experienced failure to achieve your goal, that doesn't mean you should quit. But you should also not try again using the same approach, as it obviously did not give the result you wanted previous time. If I continued sending the same article over and over again to Tiny Buddha, it wouldn't give me any result. Instead, I pitched the rejected article to other publication and wrote another article to pitch to Tiny Buddha. Same goes with any goal you want to achieve. If one approach did not work, do not quit, but rather try another approach, pitch, proposal, job interview, marketing strategy... or whatsoever. You need to keep on changing your approach until you hit the one that will give you desired result.
If you think you tried it all, perhaps you need some guidance and help. In that case, get some additional education or sign up for a workshop or an e-course, read some more books or articles on the topic, hire a mentor, business coach, health coach, dating coach or a life coach (depending of your desired goal). Having someone to support you and give you concrete action steps and useful tips will help you achieve your goal much faster and think of more creative ideas.
5. THINK OF A FAILURE AS A REDIRECTION
I love to think of a failure or rejection as a redirection. If we got rejected or failed at something, that will help us to try out a different approach to achieve our goal. It will push us to be better and grow. It will sometimes make us decide that we will pursue something else instead. And that other thing or that other approach can turn out to be much greater and much better that the previous one we thought was "the one". So, instead of seeing rejection or a failure as a bad thing, we should rather see it as a force of redirection and read it as a sign that there is something else much greater that Universe has in store for us.